My profanity- 8 years back
I am writing this blog to analyze myself and if possible get feedback. The issues discussed in this blog are not something that can be taunted, so I am using an Alias.
My sexual profanity started at the age of 15(now I am in 22). My profanity is never in actions only in thoughts till the last one. But in the last one, I encouraged my girl friend, to have an affair and she started it. This is a long story cut short.
First, I will write how it started at 14. Like all boys of my age of my country, (India) I started with thinking about sex and asking queer questions to myself. Since I would not get any real knowledge about it from my family or education, I have to go for unsolicited sources-magazines, friends. My first thoughts of sex were, how to break the rules.
Daily at night, I have to imagine something about sex and it became a routine till date. Even before I know about masturbation , I started thinking about having sex with more than one woman. Some of my early thoughts
1. Tie several women on large flat panels stripped down( mind you, by then I even did not see a naked women, not even a picture). Then have one of them each day. I dont even know then, what is sex or what is penetration but the desire is such or my thoughts are such. I even did not know what it means to have several women. But from that day, I never get masturbation if I think of straight sex.
2. Kidnap several women, and keep each of them in seperated rooms. Have each of them on a daily basis, each one for each day. If I get bored dispose them off(not kill but let them go). This place is top secret and no one knows expect me. So even if those tried to get me caught, they cant since the place is a top secret. I imagined it to be an island or a place in the middle of a jungle, which is highly secured with electric mesh, cameras and all such.
etc. etc..
This thoughts later evolved into desires on my family members, though the period was brief, I felt them. I tried to repress them but they bouned back with double. Thanks to psychology magazine , I just let the thoughts go and I was freed of those thoughts.
After this stage started my most raunchy ideas.
